life lessons – Esoteric Epistemology

And I always will

“True love is eternal, infinite, and always like itself. It is equal and pure, without violent demonstrations: it is seen with white hairs and is always young in the heart.” — Honoré de Balzac

Throughout the course of my life, I’ve been lucky enough to fall in love more than once.

But what exactly is love, and how do we “fall” into it?

Anyone who’s ever experienced a passionate intimate relationship can probably relate to this feeling of “falling,” and I believe there’s a reason why we use that particular word to describe it.

Falling, in the figurative sense, certainly feels a bit like falling in a literal sense. It’s similarly exciting, overwhelming and scary. The euphoria associated with this kind of infatuation is how I imagine a skydiver or an astronaut probably feels, hurtling back towards Earth, while taking in a view which is vast and beautiful at an indescribable level.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve learned that there’s a difference between “falling in love” and actually loving someone. The lust and drama of connecting on a deep level with another person can certainly feel earth-shatteringly meaningful– for a while. But when we crash from the high produced by the cocktail of oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine that swirls in our brains during a romance, what is left?

The truth is that real love has nothing to do with bringing flowers, reciting poems, or fantasizing about your future children. It’s not about great sex, great conversation, or sweeping anyone off their feet. We think of love as something intense and epic, but in reality, it’s quite mundane.

Real love isn’t a fairytale story with princesses, knights, magic or prophecies. It isn’t thrilling and intoxicating- actually, it’s rather boring. It’s an everyday story that includes things like eating, sleeping, cleaning your house and paying the bills. It’s about dealing with the challenges of whatever journey you each happen to be on, together.

Real love is about seeing someone who they truly are, flawed like all human beings inevitably are, and accepting them, wholly and completely. Real love doesn’t fade as physical attraction does, and it doesn’t fizzle out like lustful passion.

Real love doesn’t even go away when you want it to.

You’ve probably seen the evidence of this in your own relationships. The people we love are often the ones who hurt us the most, but somehow, we love them anyway.

I’ve heard many people say, “love shouldn’t hurt,” but the truth is, no matter how good everyone’s intentions are, it’s bound to hurt sometimes. Often we are only hurt by those we love because of our love for them. If we didn’t care, it would be easier to be indifferent.

When I look back over my past relationships, I can now see the difference between having “fallen in love” and having “loved.” It’s an easy distinction for me to make because there’s a single measurement I can use to be sure: I still love everyone who I have ever truly loved.

True love is eternal. It’s not about physical beauty, sex, validation, or power. It’s about the essence of what makes us human, and the recognition of our humanness in each other. It’s about looking at another person in the eyes and seeing a part of yourself.

When you truly love someone, it is truly unconditional, and irrevocable.

Real love doesn’t go away because of hardship or conflict. It doesn’t end in the heat of an argument, or after the pain of betrayal. It isn’t reduced when someone loses their job, gains weight, or gets old– because things like that aren’t the real reasons why we love people.

Love has nothing to do with the temporary bodies we live in, or the temporary experience we have while we are alive. It is the act of accessing the innate, infinite knowledge programmed into our souls and our cells, and truly understanding that we will never really be separated from each other, despite any physical or emotional detachment.

The truth is that I still love everyone I’ve ever truly loved.

I’ll love them if they are poor or wealthy.

I’ll love them if they are sick or healthy.

I’ll love them if they marry somebody else, go to prison, join a cult, or lose all of their hair and teeth.

I’ll love them in spite of time, in spite of anger, in spite of distance, and in spite of death.

And I always will.

Anything less just isn’t love.

Originally published on medium.com on February 15th, 2020.

Seven Reasons You Don’t Want to Forget

Spiderman reading a book in a brick archway with the sun behind him — Photo by Raj Eiamworakul

“Scientia potentia est,” or, “knowledge is power” is a Latin aphorism most commonly attributed to 16th-century philosopher Francis Bacon.

This phrase has existed in various versions across cultures and across times. Earlier versions of the phrase date back to the 10th century, such as in the Nahj Al-Balagha:

“Knowledge is power and it can command obedience,”

or the words of the Persian poet Ferdowsi:

“Capable is he who is wise.”

There’s a Hebrew phrase in the biblical Book of Proverbs that was translated nearly the same; first into Latin as:

“Vir sapiens et fortis est et vir doctus robustus et validus,”

and then into the English King James Bible as:

“A wise man is strong, a man of knowledge increaseth strength.”

I’m sure we’ve all heard it before.

Most of us have probably heard it enough that it has become one of those corny, hackneyed phrases that we might roll our eyes at. It’s one of those things you know is true, but that you might feel like a dork saying.

Platitudinous though it may be, I feel this is a phrase worth remembering.

While knowledge and wisdom are not quite the same thing (like knowing what to say vs when you should say it), for these purposes they can both be thought of as valuable things that accumulate as one lives.

Here are some things to remember about wisdom and/or knowledge, to remind you why it is never a waste of time to pursue it:

It’s free

While you might pay a sort of karmic price for your golden nuggets of wisdom (like burning your hand when the stove is hot), you really can learn pretty much anything for free, if you put your mind to it.

There’s free articles, videos, textbooks, even open courseware for pretty much everything on the internet. Your local library probably has some cool stuff. Your grandpa probably knows some things that he’d be willing to tell you. Hell, a lot of things you can probably just figure out through trial and error, like how to kiss someone, or how to stand on your head.

Even if you’re paying for someone else to teach you something, it’s really you who ends up teaching yourself in the end, isn’t it? The time and attention you give something is the true price you pay for it, but it doesn’t always have to cost dollars.

It’s renewable

Knowledge doesn’t expire– you can use it over and over again.

As long as you remember where the blackberries grow you’ll be able to go and pick them. You can harvest a quail egg if you know the right bush to check underneath.

There’s no limit to sharing it

The renewability of your knowledge isn’t limited to you.

If you know where the berries grow and where the quail lay their eggs, you can teach your friends, and you and your friends can make berry pies and quails-egg omelets for you all to enjoy in the future.

It’s interesting

It’s another thing that sounds awfully cheesy to say, but learning is fun.

Did I need to know that certain animals– like mantis shrimp, pythons and some birds– can see a whole spectrum of color that we humans can’t even really comprehend?

No.

Do I have any current practical application for that knowledge?

No.

Am I still glad I found out?

Yes!

Why the hell wouldn’t I be? That’s fascinating.

Things like this are what make living on Earth exciting and engaging. Aren’t we lucky to exist on this badass planet? You only live once (theoretically), and you might as well discover some things to entertain you while you’re doing it, if you haven’t already.

It can’t be taken from you

Short of a Men in Black-style memory eraser wand type situation, I can’t imagine a situation where someone could take your knowledge from you.

Even if everything else was taken from you, like your possessions, your social status, or your health-– you would still have all the information you’ve learned that you could manage to remember.

Actually, you’d probably end up with more knowledge than you started with if you endured a worst-case scenario like that. Wisdom too, definitely. Which brings me to my next point:

It’s the best silver lining

No matter what totally crazy messed-up stuff goes down in your life, you will be wiser for the experience.

If things are horrible at this particular moment, you can at least take comfort in the fact that you’ll have this as a consolation prize. Sometimes it even turns out to add up to more than that- something tangibly useful instead of just an abstract life participation trophy.

You might end up finding that whatever you learned was more valuable than whatever you thought you lost, or decide that whatever pain you went through was worth what you found out about yourself or about life.

It liberates us

Knowledge gives us the ability to survive and thrive in the world. This is freedom, and you can’t have real power without freedom.

More knowledge makes us better able to make decisions, as well as to decide the logical and ethical grounds on which we want to be making our decisions.

Knowledge and wisdom help us to make better choices. We respect ourselves more when we make better choices, and when we respect ourselves more, we want to continue to make better choices. This cycle is powerful.

When it’s clear that we respect ourselves, others come to respect us more, which is also immensely powerful.

There’s no denying that knowledge is power– but it’s also important to remember that

with great power comes great responsibility.

Never stop learning, and remember to use your powers for good.

Originally published on medium.com on September 12, 2019.

Tag: life lessons

I Still Love Everyone I Have Ever Loved