Please don’t harass anyone else I mention here! Nobody’s perfect.
Since a group of criminals have been attempting to murder me for several years, here are my wishes:
I do not want to be resuscitated.
ALLOW NATURAL DEATH.
I do not want to be kept alive in a coma or vegetative state. If I am ever impregnated while I am in coma, please abort the fetus, even if the fetus is the product of parthenogenesis! My fetus is not a research animal and neither am I.
Please do not do egg retrieval on me while I am in a coma, either.
I am NOT an organ donor. Especially of my eggs! No one gets my eggs. Even people who have text messages from me discussing the possibility of me giving them an egg.
I want to be cremated immediately after my death, and I want my ashes scattered in the ocean.
I do not want an autopsy on my body.
It is against my wishes for anyone to profit in any way from my life or work after I am dead. Anyone buying or selling copies of my work, for example, is violating my wishes. I am not a mammoth, and you are not Neolithic Hunter gatherers.
My Mom inherits all my money and possessions after I am dead. If my Mom is also dead, it gets split between my eight first cousins: Haley, Lauren, Alex, Sarah, Abigail, Catherine, Maddie, and Annie.
If I am ever ruled to be incompetent, I think that my aunt Susan McLean or my aunt Gina Willett or my uncle Shawn Willett would be the most appropriate guardians for me. They have experience caring for my grandmother, who has dementia, and would have less of a conflict of interest than my mother, who inherits my money and possessions. My father’s cousin Steve Wilkinson, who runs a local homeless services nonprofit, would also be a good choice.
Regarding My Dog, Guru:
If I die and my dog is still living, my dog goes to my my Mom. If my Mom is dead or can’t can’t care for my dog, the dog can go to any of my aunts or uncles or cousins. My aunt Susan McLean is the most qualified person to care for the dog, after my mom. My father’s cousin Steve Wilkinson is the closest geographically, after my Mom.
Under NO circumstances should my dog be released to anyone who is not BIOLOGICALLY related to me. The only exceptions to this rule are my mom’s neighbors, who live next door to her. If my Mom isn’t home, they are allowed to hold on to the dog.
My Ex Husband’s Family
I do not consider anyone who is formerly related to me through my previous marriage to Zachariah Hill to be a family member, because Zach is dead, we have been divorced for more than five years, and I no longer have any contact with any of his family members. Obviously, I do not want my dog to go to any of those people. Also, they should not inherit anything from me and should never be appointed as my guardians and should have no say whatsoever in my affairs.
By the way, for the record, I asked Zach for the divorce, not the other way around. It says he’s the “petitioner” because he wrote his name first on the paperwork and I was told it didn’t matter whose name was first. He and I were married for less than one year and I asked him for the divorce because he refused to quit heroin. When he asked me to marry him, he also asked for help quitting heroin. I tried. Ask any of our friends from high school!
My Voluntary Assisted Death
I have been experiencing unbearable suffering since 2023, when I experienced a serious brain injury that worsened my schizoaffective disorder.
I believe this brain injury to have been caused by criminals drugging me with psychedelic drugs without my knowledge or consent. I believe they did this to punish me for “snitching” about men who do violence to women and children and animals. This group of criminals had previously repeatedly threatened me with drugging me so I couldn’t be a witness if “snitched.”
I’m pretty sure that I had a heart attack or stroke during the subsequent neurological episode, because I felt my heart stop for several seconds during a period of time when I was immobile from the severe psychosis. Since then, my symptoms have become more numerous and severe, and have been consistent with brain damage from a stroke. Strokes run in my family.
I was also hacked and robbed for thousands of dollars during this episode. Also, drafts of my work were leaked. I called the police and offered to show them evidence of what happened. They did nothing about it.
I am also experiencing unbearable suffering due to the legalized, socially sanctioned discrimination against people with psychotic disorders and brain injuries. We are treated like we are less than human and I am tired of being treated that way.
I am currently on probation for violating a stalking order. I believe the stalking order to be illegal because my due process rights were violated by Judge Drake Hood at the Oct 11, 2023 hearing where it was issued. For example, Judge Hood allowed me to present only one exhibit out of the hundreds of pages of evidence that I submitted to the court before the hearing. He also told me: “hurry up” and “I have a lot of these to get through today.”
I did not appeal the order because I was experiencing severe, untreated psychosis at the time that it was issued and did not know that there was a 30 day deadline to appeal. My teachers at PSU (where I minored in law) failed to inform me about this deadline, which applies to all state appeals (14 days for federal).
The stalking order functionally prevents me from ever returning to any school to continue my education (I graduated with honors and letters of recommendation and wanted to attend graduate school), and prevents me from talking to many of my close friends about major events of my life.
After being told by several lawyers that it is either “impossible” or “extremely unlikely” that any permanent stalking order could be dismissed after the appeal deadline, I disobeyed the order intentionally, as an act of civil disobedience, and turned myself in to the police immediately after violating it. I violated the order by sending an email, then I called the police on myself.
Within a couple of hours of sending the email, five police officers surrounded my car, which I was sitting in parked on the street. They parked cop cars in front of and behind my vehicle. They showed me a warrant with no judge’s signature on it, and Officer Miller signed the warrant herself in front of me when I pointed out that it lacked a judge’s signature. I was questioned by officers from Portland Police and a deputy from Washington County before being read my Miranda rights.
In the Washington County jail, I was kept naked except for a velcro smock that did not cover my entire body for the entire time I was there.
This began when five COs pushed me into a cell and up against a concrete wall and cut my clothes off of me with a knife while groping my breasts.
For much of the time that I was there, a blanket was taped over the window of my cell, so it was like solitary.
I was shown my bail hearing through the window of my cell on a computer screen. I could not hear anything that was going on. I signed “H-E-L-P” in sign language through the window of my cell at the webcam. I had forgotten the sign for “help.” Here it is, in case you need it.
I was denied my psychiatric medication the entire time I was in jail. The nurse only offered me Metformin, which my physician previously prescribed to prevent weight gain from anti-psychotics. She also asked me if I was diabetic. I told her no and she sent me back to my cell.
I was not fully fingerprinted until five minutes before leaving jail.
I refused food the entire time I was in jail in protest of the inhumane conditions. I took one bite of the first meal, then changed my mind and pushed the rest of the meal under the door.
I also went limp every time I was moved the entire time I was in jail, which led to severe bruising on my arms when COs dragged me around by my hands cuffed behind my back.
I pled guilty to violating the stalking order and accepted a plea bargain for two years of mental health probation. At the hearing where I pled guilty, in courtroom 206C, I was not sworn in before speaking. Judge Rebecca Guptill, who was exhibiting rapid, pressured speech, informed me at this hearing that she can “get in trouble.”
I have no plans to ever violate the stalking order again.
I fear that a former PSU adjunct, Michael Schocket, who has been stalking me and impersonating me online for several years, may try to make it appear as if I have violated it in order to have me falsely arrested. Schocket has been criminally charged with nine counts of harassing me by telephone. He was charged in 2022 and still has not been arrested, to my knowledge.
Another PSU teacher, Dr. Anoop Mirpuri, was found guilty of sexually assaulting me in my workplace by a PSU investigation. The police investigation of this incident stalled due to missing security camera footage. After I reported him, Dr. Mirpuri falsely accused me of harassing him.
I also reported to PSU that I believed that Michael Simmons, who had, at the time, been teaching art at PSU, had been inappropriate towards students at Buckman Elementary School. Other students who were in my class at Buckman made similar accusations. PSU/PPS never responded to these accusations, but soon after I made them, both to the school and the FBI, Simmons disappeared from the PSU website, and, to my knowledge, stopped teaching there.
I remember Simmons bringing me into the darkened projection room behind the auditorium while a rehearsal for a school play was happening. He brought me in there under the pretense of helping him film the school play. He had me stand on a stool and look into the camera. He placed something in my hand. I think it was a blue Bic pen. I think I remember seeing something black and white in the camera. I don’t remember what happened after that.
I also remember being brought into this same room by a group of adults with clip boards at a later date. They also had me stand on the stool. This time the lights were on. I asked if I had been in the room before and they said “no.”
I also remember something else happening to me in the basement of Buckman Elementary near where the swimming pool was. I can’t be sure if Simmons was involved in that though, because I cannot see who is doing it in the memory.
Basically I remember being dangled over the pool in a rock climbing harness with a pulley attached to it, and being pulled up and down by the pulley. Something that looked like some sort of a monster with a mouth full of teeth (amazon river dolphin? baby sperm whale? mutilated shark? dinosaur? robot? puppet?) was in the pool. I felt pain in my whole body during this, and a loud noise was playing.
I recalled the memory after listening “dinosaur noises” online. I started screaming and my whole body contorted when I first remembered. I’m now afraid to go swimming (I had a panic attack at 24 hour fitness, actually this was before recalling the memory. anyone notice how covered in mold the pool is there? it’s all slimy and weird, but now when I look at the surface of water or see things sticking out of it, it makes me feel uncomfortable) and whenever I see a long mouth full of sharp teeth I physically cringe, like when Beethoven’s 9th is played in Clockwork Orange.
I also cringe when I hear “the buzzer” or UB-76 (the Russian broadcast). I think that the loud noise that was playing when I was dangled over the pool was a combination of noises, like how they make dinosaur noises for movies.
The pool closed in 2016, on the same day as the release of Baby Shark Dance by Pinkfong, the most viewed song on YouTube. June 17th is also the day after my birthday. The intro to the song is Dvorak’s 9th. There’s an episode of Umbrella Academy in which the main characters all vomit while listening to the song. There are also the Mosasaurus feeding scenes from Jurassic Park, which I did not see until AFTER recalling the memory of the Buckman pool!
I was also told by my Mom that a guy was fired for “inappropriate touching” of kids at Helen Gordon preschool, which is on the PSU campus, when I attended preschool there. I asked Peter Boghossian about this, because it appears that he may have been studying education at PSU around this time, and I thought he may have worked at the preschool and/or heard about it. He never replied. However, he resigned. I also asked other PSU employees about this, and got no reply.
Why did all of this (and more) happen to me? Possibly because of my ancestry. My father’s family are Royal Arch Masons, going back many generations. Because of conspiracy theories about Freemasons, some people (mostly cult members) think that this means that I am descended from Jesus Christ.
I was dosed with drugs and my brain was damaged in 2023 right before I turned 30. I think that the joke is that that’s when Christ started teaching!
I turn 33 this year. If I get “crucified,” everyone will know why!
My direct ancestor, Ephraim Kirby, was the first High Priest of the Royal Arch Masons in the US. Because of this, members of my family are harassed by people who are ignorant and culturally insensitive.
My ex boyfriend Brier Andrew Cole Jr., for example, forced me to kick a puppy when I was twenty (I previously said 19, I was confused about the timeline because of trauma which is common, and I need help actually figuring out the correct order of the events I’m about to describe and what happened around that time because it is fuzzy in my mind) and filmed it without my knowledge. At the time that he made me kick the puppy, I had been a vegetarian for more than ten years. I found out this is actually a common gang ritual among dead heads, and that they make women do it regularly.
Aside from it being a gang thing, I think that Brier targeted me for this torture because of my ancestry. I think this because of the timing. There is a mythology about Masonic initiation rites that involves animal sacrifice. Some Masons might do this. The ones in my family do not, to my knowledge.
Brier made me kick the puppy right after my grandfather, David Barclay Kirby, died. Brier snapped the puppy’s Achilles tendon and let it die in front of me. I dissociated during this and was drugged and he did other stuff to me that I only partly remember. His roommate Mikey was involved. I remember him saying at one point that the puppy was like a livestock animal to him, because his Mom made him skin bunnies when he was a kid (they farmed rabbits).
My father, John Kirby died in 2022.
I blocked out the memory of kicking the puppy until I was dosed with drugs in 2023, when it came back to me. I still don’t remember all of what happened, and I REALLY don’t want to. I know it’s on film because strangers have harassed me in public and made jokes about it. For example, a guy who was a complete stranger to me screamed at me in the parking lot of my apartment last year: “there is the girl who kicked the dog! happy birthday.”
Brier Cole Jr. raped me repeatedly, beginning when I was fifteen years old at the Motel 6 in South San Francisco. Our mutual friend Two Crow told me to get in the shower with him. Later, he told Brier to stop having sex with me after learning I was a minor. He did not, but rather continued raping me, both statutory rape and regular rape, often assisted by drugs.
This continued off and on until I got a restraining order against him when I was 23. I got the restraining order after he threatened to shoot my dog. Prior to that he had been raping me in the woods and shooting and dismembering squirrels in front of me.
Because of the thing I remember from the pool at Buckman, I think that dead heads who sell psychedelics may have started the dog kicking ritual because of recalling repressed memories of things like that happening to them as kids. Because of blocking out and recalling kicking the puppy, I know that it’s possible to block out and recall memories, and I can differentiate between what I remember happening in the Buckman pool and dreams or hallucinations.
It’s really obvious that everyone around me has been manipulating and using me for their own purposes for many years now.
I am VERY tired of being used as a pawn in other people’s arguments with each other. I would rather be dead than continue to live this way. Most people would.
None of these people see me as a human being, only as an object that they can use to get money or clout or to serve their politics or satisfy their personal vendettas.
Once my probation is over and I am allowed to travel again, and once my affairs are in order, I plan to travel to Switzerland to seek voluntary assisted death.
I want nothing to do with any of this nonsense.
I’m “Switzerland.”
If anyone interferes with my dignified death, I plan on refusing food until I am dead in protest.
Please do not force me to go on a hunger strike, which local pedophiles will certainly masturbate to.
Instead, let me die with dignity.
Everyone deserves a dignified death.
How to Help Me
If you’re reading this because you’re interested in my situation, please take screenshots in case I am hacked (again).
This can help make sure that my wishes are honored if I die or am incapacitated.
Anyone can forge a will! It happens all the time. I think it’s safer to have my wishes posted on a website that people know has been mine for years, and have them stay consistent for months or years. I think that’s more credible than a document signed in private which could easily be forged. Especially when multiple parties have a vested interest in someone dying or being found incompetent!
A forensic evaluator for the court in Washington County recently found me fit to stand trial (sane), and I am currently on supervised mental health probation, until the end of 2027.
If you want to send me money for any reason, you can Venmo me @meredithwillett.
I won’t accept money or any other contact from people who have previously committed serious crimes against me, and will consider any attempts to contact me unwanted contact and will file for legal, constitutional restraining orders after two unwanted contact attempts in six months. If people who have harmed me want to make amends with me, instead, I will accept only public apologies from those people.
Esoteric Epistemology 